(Based in part on this blog post, with additions by yours truly.)
You will need:
- 1x article, blog post, comment, or forum thread about self-publishing
- much alcohol, very booze
Take a drink:
- Any time the words “choice”, “freedom”, “control”, or “revolution” are used.
- At any comparison of royalty rates, either with numbers (“70%!”) or folksy, Pa Kent-sounding platitudes.
- Take two shots if the maths is wrong.
- Any time self-publishing is called a hobby.
- Take two if this occurs anywhere near anything talking about money/profit/royalties/etc.
- “Readers are our gatekeepers!”
- “Legacy publishing”.
- “Hugh Howey”.
Drain the glass:
- “You should’ve self-published your book!”
- “Traditional publishing is like winning the lottery!”
- Unironic comparison of traditional publishing to a cartel, et cetera, in the same post as anything lauding Amazon.
Drink everything in sight:
- Anytime anyone compares traditional publishing to sexual assault, intimate partner violence, prostitution, or similar.
… What am I missing?