[H]ave you ever been to a straight parade or festival? Because let me tell you, the first time I ever attended Seattle’s Torchlight Family Seafair Parade I was shocked at how just how many skimpy bikinis were being worn by women on the floats and how many sexual innuendoes other floats were designed to embody. The only reason why LGBT Pride Parades appear to be outrageous and not-family-friendly to people is because none of the sexuality on display is aimed at white straight men.

fontfolly on Pride.

Our local Straight Pride Parade is called Summernats and it’s pretty much an annual argument about exactly how much booze, sexual harassment, and public urination are appropriate for kids. It’s so notorious, in fact, that it currently operates under a lock in policy—that is, once you’re on the grounds, you can’t just arbitrary leave—mostly to stop drunken attendees from wandering out of the parade grounds in order to vandalize and defecate on nearby homes. I’ve only been to Mardi Gras once,1 and it was like ten thousand times tamer, even with2 all the kinky queens and leatherdykes…

(Incidentally, as an aside, when I was growing up Mardi Gras was pretty much an annual televised event, and I used to watch it every year with my parents. Yes, including all the kinky floats. I didn’t spontaneously combust, and neither did Mum or Dad when they had to explain to me why, for example, people were walking around wearing latex nun habits and very little else. So, like. Seriously. Miss me with all that “think of the children!” bullshit.)

  1. Also, ironically, the only time I’ve ever been groped by a strange dude in a public place! Not even pride parades are safe spaces from gross straight men, apparently! []
  2. Or, arguably, because of. []