In twelve simple questions.

This is the post that finally made me realise it really, really wasn’t me in my last job. Of the twelve questions, I answered “no” to eight of them (and that was being generous).

Number 4, 5, and 7 were the real killers: I never received recognition, didn’t feel I was cared about, and didn’t feel my opinions counted. I’m in a new job now, and I’d be able to answer yes to every question on the list except for the ones I haven’t really been there long enough to answer. It’s especially jarring because the role is functionally the same, it’s just the company is smaller and the people are much, much nicer.1 Walking into the office actually makes me feel happy, rather than like crying in the bathroom for an hour.

I still have scars from my last experience, though. It’s one of those things: I thought once I was out I’d be back to “normal”, but there was an incident last week that… demonstrated otherwise. It was minor but something I knew would’ve been made into a huge deal (of how much I failed and sucked) by my old team lead. So I probably didn’t handle it as well as I could’ve, because apparently I really have learnt a lot of dysfunctional defensive behaviours over the last nine months that I’m going to have to work at rolling back.

The difference, however, is that both the guy I was teamed with and my boss supported me through the situation and developed a proactive strategy to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. It’s… yeah. Man. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to work in an environment like that, apparently.

  1. Incidentally, I don’t think the problem in my last job was the company I worked for or the people in it, per se. I think I just got stuck in a very, very dysfunctional project team. Given that literally everyone else in the team bailed, too, I guess it really wasn’t just me. []